With Father’s Day approaching I have given thought to how I might honor my dad. Reflecting on his unwavering commitment to being involved in my life and his resolve to remain friends with my mother after their divorce, has made me see what a gift this has been to me. My parents were divorced when I was eight years old. There were a few difficult years that followed but for the most part, I did not experience the emotional scars I observe in many children from broken homes. I believe this is a result of the cordial relationship my parents maintained over the years for the sake of their children. They put their differences aside for the family and never openly showed animosity toward the other.
My dad never spoke ill of my mother and never made my sisters and me feel that our love and devotion for our parents couldn’t be shared. There was never a pitting of one against the other. Dad attended all the milestone events in our lives, even after my mother remarried. I’m sure it was uncomfortable initially, but he never let it show.
I can’t remember a Christmas or a Thanksgiving when we were not all together, even after both parents remarried. It just meant the gathering was a little bigger. We never had to worry about having to go to two houses for the holidays, or stress about keeping our parents separated to avoid unpleasantness. My parents have always been civil and kind to one another.
When we were little, my dad faithfully picked my sisters and me up every weekend for our Sunday outing. I have no memory of him ever calling to cancel or not showing up. He always had something planned- a movie, bowling, miniature golf, or a long drive over the Sunshine Skyway to a place called Fun -n- Sun. We would frequent a local restaurant that served the best burger in town and has changed little in fifty years.
When we were with my dad, we didn’t sit in front of the television somewhere, or entertain ourselves while he was engaged in some other activity. Our time with Dad meant we were doing something together. It’s taken me a lifetime to appreciate that what was common for me, is not the experience of most children with divorced parents. I never felt that Sunday was a chore for my dad; I never felt pulled in two directions; and I never felt abandoned or unloved.
In truth, I would have loved to have grown up with an intact family, but God in His sovereignty had other plans. Divorce is difficult for children. There is no sugar coating that fact. How parents behave after the divorce has serious implications on the future of their children. If you are a divorced parent, the best thing you can do for your children is to get along with your former spouse. Your children and grandchildren have a lifetime of recitals, school programs, graduations, weddings, and such, and they will want you both there, without concern for how you will relate to one another.
My dad will be 86 next year. He faithfully calls to take me to breakfast for my birthday and comes for every holiday. This Father’s Day I want Dad to know that his presence, his constancy, his civility, and his love, has been a gift for which I am forever grateful.
Take time to think about the blessing your father has been in your life and if possible, on Father's Day, let him know.